have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
Randomize