$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
Randomize
