Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
i'm pretty sure my brother is still drunk from last night. he's telling my parents that humans are at the top of the food chain for a reason and listing off all the exotic animals he would eat
Randomize
