kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
