You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
Randomize
