a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Why is your signature on my underwear?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
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