too bad you live with your parents still
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
