It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I woke up hugging my purse and I found a business card in my underwear. How?
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
