four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
You have 4 bottles of kahlua in ur drawers but no sox
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
