I shagged another guy with one ball last night. Are there really that many dudes with one nut in la or am I just a magnet for prostetic testes?
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
If one of us has to be polite I guess I won't sneak out while he's in the shower
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
I totally fucked your pastor last night.
You're his wife.
Still a dirty get down.
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