he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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