Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
