Already got asked if we're dating
This is clearly one of those "A hole's a hole" situations
i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
17 year olds will be the death of me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Randomize
