somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
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