We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
He tells me he loves me and I say I just want him for sex, then he looks at me like I just said I hate puppies. What kind of guy is he?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
You barfed off the front porch while the elderly neighbors were walking their dog. We had to convince them not to call 911.
Pics or it didn't happen.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
