did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
Someone just got pizza delivered to the liquor store.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
