when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
He made me a period mix..should I back out now?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
All i remember his him yelling yahtzee while pouring beer down her shirt .
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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