I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Randomize
