just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I am mentally ready for anal.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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