I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
So we were in bed when his brother walks in, walks over to me, fist bumps me and says he just wanted to say hi, then leaves...so random lmao
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
