What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
