Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
Randomize
