I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
I found more straws in my beard this morning. Please stop doing that.
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
u woke up and asked who took ur pants off then realized u did n almost cried over not gettin layed
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
