I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
how should i go about explaining the hickey i drunkenly gave myself last night?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
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