1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
Nana saw my nipple rings & made me watch Joel Osteen all morning
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
