Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
This was all being yelled across a beer pong table as all important things should be discussed
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Randomize
