I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Knowing that he goes to voodoo every Thursday really makes me want to get myself checked.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
So congratulations, your penis has now sent me to urgent care not once, but twice!
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Randomize
