32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I have a black eye again and dont know why again
Probably yeah. I mean maybe one day we can be those friends that hang out naked. Not awkard at all.
If all that ever happens between us is orgasms and dank memes, I think I'd be okay with that.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
