Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
first time Ive ever had to stop sex to go pass out in the kitchen floor...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
Everyone should know the rule that if your dicks touch during a threeway you just make lightsaber noises and move on.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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