First date: that requires underwear, huh?
She loves me even though she knows all Ive done. Shes kind of like jesus.
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
