kristin has been a bad kristin
farters have to be the big spoon...
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Mandatory face masks - finally, a solution for lip augmentation failures and bad breath.
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
