Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
You smell like a Billy Joel song
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
Somehow my life has turned in to drug deals at the bar, and illegally camping on a mountain because I have no where else to live.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
