whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
A whole bunch of large men eating Doritos just knocked on my door and asked if they could take out my trash?
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Randomize
