dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
do you ever just look around and think about how great it is to have depth perception? Like it's really, really cool when u think about it
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
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