There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
