You can spell. I can kill people with no remorse. We all have our skills.
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
There's a Russian superstition that you'll spend your year the way you celebrate New Year's, so I'm honestly not that surprised you're drunk.
Randomize
