I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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