i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
Tiger Woods should have just walked in, gave everyone a high five, and left.
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You hit your head and proceeded to fall in the floor, curl up in my lap and make me rock you like a small infant. I was beginning to worry until you started to sing "Rock me momma like a wagon wheel".
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
