Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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