I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
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