How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
