I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
My dad just accidentally taught me how to make fake IDs. I love my life.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Randomize
