first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
she woke up with a sticky ear
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Randomize
