I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
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