did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
And on top of all this... he just told me to "chill my nips."
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
