tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
And why did 3 people fail to stop me from literally getting a piggy back ride from the bar to his apartment?!
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
This was like angel cum on the bread of life filled with the nectar of the gods
I'm going to CVS to meet the Craigslist guy who is going to buy my underwear. If I don't text you within the next hour, plz assume that I have been abducted by a stranger with an underwear fetish.
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
I actually talked to his parents last night about it. haha. I had a bottle of smirnoff in my hand, I'm sure they took me serious.
Randomize
