I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
Awesome. My fame will spread to DC... As will the herpes.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Post breakup Disney World may be my best idea ever! Tinkerbell just grabbed my dick and gave me a kiss! This really is the happiest place on earth!
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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