that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Her blow jobs are legen wait for it seriously like 9 people I know brag about them dary
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
