My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You are not allowed to borrow my car ever again. It smells like a hobo orgy happened in my backseat with a hint of onion. What did you do.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize
