a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
Randomize
