Porn is love you can see.
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
