Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
Nah nah nah the rules are different on st patty day, drink beer or die. It's like the hunger games but blurrier
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
You're not talking any sense into me. You're cheering me on to disaster.
... is that not half the reason I'm your best friend in the first place?
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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