You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Just threw up in a baggy on the airplane. The guys next to me clapped and bought me a jack and coke.
Livin the dream
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
