Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
my financial goal is to have my cable back before football season starts
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
Randomize
