You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
