Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I'm smoking pot with a man in a pink suit, size 15 wide shoes who bought his bowl from a place called Chinese Bling Bling while I'm dressed as a unicorn drinking pumpkin beer
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
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