I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just puked on the beach. Hungover. In front of my parents. I love summer.
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Randomize
