the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
