so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
She's the perfect storm when it comes to psycho stalkers
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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