then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Randomize
