Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
FUCK WHALES
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
