Evryone should know as good ramen noodle cooked in beer sounds... its not
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
I think I just need to get a pillow shaped like a toilet seat.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
