i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
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