Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
what customs doesn't know wont hurt them
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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