THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
So gin and wine won't be happening again
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
No memories of receiving this. Or of getting home. Or of apparently developing a taste for marmalade, which I assume is yours because I have literally never eaten it before. It's all over the kitchen. And my phone. And in my hair. Oh god I wish I wasn't on the train to work. X And sorry about the kitchen x
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize