I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
I walked into my room to see them crying, watching hey arnold, and passing a franzia box back and forth...
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
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