What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
Only in the emergency room do they shut the door when youre laughing too hard
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
Randomize
