Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
And that's when I found out that Patrick wasn't in fact down with O.P.P.
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
I'm perplexed as to why anyone on this planet is straight
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
