Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
