My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize