so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
Debating whether the Plan B I had this morning would go under breakfast or lunch in my food log.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
