also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
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