shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
My tits are coming out a minimum of ten times
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I have a new favorite bar game. It's called, get dressed up and go drinking alone then make up random stories of why you are alone to look less like an alc
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
