i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
No one will ever find true happiness until they have gotten stoned and taken off the bra they've been wearing all day.
You, my dear friend, are a poet of the deep mental longings of women worldwide.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
