You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
Were driving two hours to st louis so we can pee on the arch. See you in the morning. I might be sober by then.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
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