nothing screams I HAVE A PROBLEM! like the case of miller lite sitting on top of my DUI papers in the passenger seat of my car. lol
He gave his mom his old phone, and I am SO paranoid
Did you send adult things?
Um. Yes would be the understatement of the year
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
Somebody started a fire in the kitchen. I puked on it till it went out. The firemen high fived me.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
