I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
