I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
