im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Gameplan: If the cops show up, find a potted plant to hide behind... It's worked before!
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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