I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
Now that makes it sound like you had sex with a guy in batman costume and you never took the mask off so you can't 100 percent be sure.
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
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