Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
There is a french fry attached to my steering wheel and a note that says "eat me yum yum" can you explain this?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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