Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
Yep Great. Apparently I didn't just say things once that night. Drink. Yell. Repeat.
U also mentioned u werent wearing any underwear hahahaha
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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