take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
