Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
He just became a fan of Chelsea Handler on Facebook. WHY DO I ALWAYS PICK THE GAY ONE
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
Randomize
