Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
just fell over trying to sit on the toliet like a robot.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
While we were doing it he looked up at me and said "Does your husband fuck you this good?" Talk about a mood killer....
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Randomize
